Echo versus true voice.
Remembering what Lauren said during my voice lesson yesterday: Singing is a metaphor for life. Once we stop resisting, it becomes effortless... When we're singing the healthy way, it doesn't cost us anything.
I created sickness tonight, a manifestation of that resistance that I ironically cling to. I realize that I have been choosing to believe that voice inside my head (get out of your head!) that constantly tells me that I can't do it, I'm not good enough, I'm going to fail, I'm doing it wrong, I'm always going to be incomplete...
I sat with the question: What am I resisting?
My thoughts turned to my history of "failed" relationships... How is it that I continue to source partners who have no desire or refuse to get serious, to commit?
... LIGHTBULB!
If they are a reflection of me, then the answer is simple: They are afraid of commitment... I am afraid of commitment.
It sounds crazy... crazy enough to just make sense. I have always wanted commitment, especially when it comes to relationships, but how I relate to the idea of commitment is clearly reflected in how the people in my life have related to it... something to be resisted, feared, avoided because... why? What does it mean? Responsibility. How do I relate to responsibility? A weight. A burden. Heavy. Defeating. THAT is NOT Responsibility. What is responsibility?
The choice is mine, it's always mine, and yet I even relate to the idea of choice as a "responsibility" or heavy decision with potentially ominous consequences. If I truly have faith, believe, trust that everything is as it is meant to be, that there is a rhyme and reason for how everything arises in my space, then there is no need to fear or avoid or resist.
What is responsibility? How am I being a victim? How am I being responsible? Choose now.
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