I Saw A Ghost

Lost an hour this morning
as we sprung forward
saving daylight, but losing sleep...
Jack woke me up at five-thirty a.m.
puppy's got a one-track mind
no sympathy for the sleep-deprived

Mama's up,
walking like a zombie
neither awake nor sleeping,
vague recollection of cool morning air
chilling my skin
as I stand, growing numb,
beside the open sliding door
and call Jack to come,
to stop barking (at imaginary threats)

Somehow I made it back
to the warmth of my room,
ready to regain deeper unconsciousness,
took a conscious second to look...
and I saw you.

Instantly, I am sucked back to consciousness
I am living again...

Remembering joy
Remembering curiosity
Remembering thrill
Remembering comfort
Remembering affection
(I wanted to reach out for you)

Remembering worry
Remembering anxiety
Remembering doubt
Remembering insecurity
(I wanted to question you)

Remembering abandonment
Remembering pain
Remembering anger
Remembering sadness
Remembering disappointment
Remembering apathy
(I wanted to delete you)

You were there,
right there,
you weren't...
were you ever?
You were real,
but I imagined you,
I dreamed of you,
but I awoke,
doused with a bucketful of
cold, cold reality...

I left you
alone
I dare not wake the dead
They can only haunt me if I let them
They speak when they want to speak,
when they're meant to speak,
when they are ready to reconcile with the past
and leave this plane for the next...
then (and only then) will I listen.
I left you there
Let you be,
and slipped deep into subconsciousness
once again
to save myself from you.