Living with Certainty

"Maybe instead of knowing I was simply gripped by compulsion. Instead of thinking I was responding, though without any knowledge of what I was responding to. I was propelled---yes, that was it, propelled---by a force that wasn't physical or even mental. What I was doing had to be done. It was stronger than conviction. It was inevitable."

- Excerpt from The Man Who Turned Into Himself by David Ambrose

What if we were to approach everything that we wanted out of life with this sense of inevitability, as if the life that we want already exists? What if we pursued our dreams with more than just conviction, but rather, with a certainty that they will be a reality? There have been a few times in my life where I was gripped with a similar compulsion, acted on instinct rather than on rationalized thought, and it did not matter what needed to be done to in order to make it happen. There was a sense of certainty that gave me the confidence to proceed, even if I could not find the words to adequately justify my actions at the time. Our minds look back on moments like this, trying to find meaning behind such events and why we responded in such a manner, when really, we may never know the purpose and reason of our existence and how it pans out over time.

Still, there is something to be said about living one's life with such unexplainable certainty, to act according to what compels you rather than what has been prescribed and decided for you by some person, institution, or other outside entity... I live with so much uncertainty, and like most human beings, I have a great fear of the unknown; my mind wants to doubt and discredit everything and have me turn and run. Yet, it was in those moments when I was trusting, risking, and courageous, despite this fear and without clear evidence, that I felt most alive.