Fear of Success

“Procrastination is the fear of success. People procrastinate because they are afraid of the success that they know will result if they move ahead now. Because success is heavy, carries a responsibility with it, it is much easier to procrastinate and live on the 'someday I'll' philosophy.”

- Denis Waitley

For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with procrastination. It's like one of those things you know you'd be a million times better without, but you keep holding on regardless of the repeatedly negative consequences. Rationally, I know that I am capable, and at times, more than capable of accomplishing whatever it is I set myself up to do. I wish I could say it was all due to a fear of rejection, but I know it's more than just that. After repeatedly putting myself through the ringer of rejection throughout the past few years, I have learned how to lessen impact of the blow that comes with being rejected, like a boxer who has learned how to roll with the punches. I always bounce back, usually more inspired and stronger than ever before, and yet I continue to impose limits upon myself and sell myself short. Why? What is greater than my fear of rejection? My fear of success. What would I do if I had everything I ever wanted? Who would I be then? What would be expected of me? Would I continue to act in such a way that would make me deserving of success and happiness in life?

The irony of all this is, deep down, I know that if I were to give up the comfort of my mediocre, half-assed way of life, I would actually be on my way to the fulfilling, passionate life that I have always dreamed of, and I would be closer to being my authentic self... not fearful, doubting, defeated, and longing, but courageous, trusting, powerful, and free. As the saying goes, "With great power comes great responsibility..." I feel the power within me and it both inspires and frightens me. The more I expand, the bigger my world becomes, and my mind tells me that I will never be enough to experience it all and make something of it.

Then I remember... I can choose to be courageous and risk in spite of my fears. I can choose to trust myself and others in spite of all the past pain and disappointment, knowing fully well that the past does not have to dictate our future and that nothing great can ever be accomplished alone. I can choose to embrace my power in spite of my human weaknesses, remembering that every great and accomplished person throughout history has fallen on their knees at least once or twice in his or her lifetime... the spark always remained. Lastly, I can choose to be free no matter where I am or what I am doing... let no circumstance or judgment define who I am or limit the freedom of my spirit. "Someday" never really is... what is exists only in "NOW." Cherish the "now" and use it to create the future you've always wanted.

I see my fears,
as clear as day,
they threaten to destroy me...
but to these fears I will not give
the very best of who I am
and who I've yet to be.